Hi, I play a healer in Overwatch and let me start by saying “F**********k yooooooooooou”. While most healers in the game are not ranked very highly in terms of difficulty to play, being a healer in Overwatch is a harrowing experience and 95% of this trauma will stem from the actions of your five team mates. And so, allow me to give you a whistle-stop tour to playing Overwatch, from the perspective of an angry healer.

1. No, we didn’t lose because of my actions: Overwatch is a game of winners and loser, every match has got to have one (except in competitive mode but that is more of a points based league so it makes sense to have ties in that area of the game). However, I will guarantee you now, even before we get into the match itself, the team healer will not be the reason we lose. You see, unless your healer AFKs or spends all their time trying to get the gold medal in eliminations for some reason, we spend the game frantically running around the map trying to keep five people alive. Please consider the following reasons why we might have lost:

  • Everyone ran around merrily engaging in 1v1, off the objective battles and so we either failed to defend effectively or never launched coherent group attacks
  • You, in your lofty role of offense or tank, negated the healer of your beleaguered Mercy,  Zenyatta, Lucio or Ana by continuing to engage in heavy firefights will being healed. Remember, your healer is not a god who can keep you alive, most characters will deal more damage than the continuous healing a healer can provide.
  • Team composition was wrong. I’ll come back to this later but maybe the structure of the team was wrong? Think about it, did we really need a Widowmaker in the battle of Illios: Lighthouse?

It’s very simple, your healer was doing the best they could and there are very few viable scenarios in which your healer will be at fault for a defeat. And speaking of how you treat your healer…

2. Healer etiquette: So, you’ve found yourself pinned down with the edges of your screen going red, your character breathing raggedly and your bottom-left health bar in low double digits. With panicked motions, you select a message and I need healing! rings out across the map. Nothing happens, no Brazilian DJ, Egyptian sniper, Nepalese cyborg monk or Swiss healthcare professional appears to bring you back to full health so you can maintain those four gold medals you’ve got going for you. You hit ‘I need healing’ again. And again. And again and again and again until Blizzard times you out for tripping the spam filter. For the love of God, please don’t do this. I heard you, alright? I know that you need healing but newsflash, there are a number of reasons why I’m not attending to you:

  • Most healers use a triage system, like a real hospital. This means we attend to injuries based on severity and in a combat situation, such as an Overwatch match, we also need to factor in strategic value. You might be the best goddamn Reaper in the world but in terms of the game, but I’m going to prioritize this half-health Reinhardt.
  • You may be in an area that I’ve deemed too dangerous to get to. Most healers have low base health and so if there a Widowmaker or high damage offense character near where you are, it’s unlikely I’m going to reach you without dying.
  • If you are engaged in a firefight and calling for healing, no. Like I said in point one, the healers of Overwatch can’t keep you alive. Our healing abilities heal over time and don’t give you a health dump like the health packs, so if you’re engaging members of the enemy team, I’m can’t do much for you.

Furthermore, if you have backed off from the fighting for healers to reach, stand still and get healed. Please Tracer, don’t run around me in circles spamming I need healing, I will just leave you alone. And speaking of annoying things people choose to do…

3. Team composition and character play styles: There is no golden rule to team composition it depends on the map, whether you’re on attack or defend, the game mode and even the composition of the enemy team. However, there are definitely some things that can be said to avoid when it comes to team composition- two to three varied offensive characters is usually a good call, a tank or two never hurts, don’t play snipers on payload attacks, Torbjorn will never be effective on attack period and of course, despite her character overhaul, Symmetra is not a substitute for an attack or a high damage offense character. Once again, a healer can only do so much if team composition is bad enough to mean that you are respawning every three or four kills. As for character play styles, most characters can be utilised in more than one way. Mercy, my main character, can be a straight up healer or more of a battle angel, helping pick off low-health enemies and providing damage boosts while providing healing when necessary. Mercy cannot be your personal health pack, dealing death in 1v1 battles and sticking to a single character as the run around the map. When you pick a main, find the best ways to play that character- for example, Reinhardts who only use charge  and constantly over-extend themselves deserve the terrible KDR that approach brings with it. As a healer, I can’t do much for you if you aren’t utilising your character.

4. I see your medals and raise you actually winning the game Overwatch awards gold, silver and bronze medals for number of eliminations, number of eliminations on the map’s objective, time spent on the map’s objective, amount of damage done and the amount of healing done. I’m sorry to tell you Mr. Four Golds, but these medals don’t actually mean anything. You see, medals don’t actually reflect how the game went and more reflect your play style and class preference sure you got gold eliminations but your team was shut out on Oasis because you never once stepped on the point. Let’s take me as an example in the most recent competitive season- I played 48 matches and from those 48 matches, I won 61 medals, 44.3% (27) of which were gold. However, my actual record was 15 wins, 29 losses and 4 draws, which is not fantastic. There are also 48 matches in 3 regular seasons of the NFL so I crunched the numbers for the last three seasons of pro football (splitting the ties and adding two to both the win and loss totals because ties are uncommon in American Football) and found that I am the St. Louis/LA Rams of Overwatch (they’re not very good if don’t follow football). The thing is that, as I mentioned before, medals are weighted towards certain classes- eliminations go to offense and tanks, damage goes to offence, defence and tanks, objective time is weighted towards defence and tanks and healing is almost exclusively for the supports (unless your supports really really suck or your Roadhog spams his health canister). And so, if your team is screaming for you to switch from Symmetra and play someone else, don’t argue that you shouldn’t be the one to change because you have two golds and a silver at the moment.

5. Let’s be nice to one another (to an extent): Peer interaction is an integral part of human life. However, when you lose (or are losing) at Overwatch, you might be tempted to scream at the other players on your team. But here’s a quick guide to how to do this:

  • If your automatic response is to tell someone ‘KYS’ or something as horrific as telling someone to kill themselves, log off Overwatch and go rethink your entire life outlook because why in God’s name do you think that is even a vaguely acceptable thing to say someone?
  • ‘It’s just a game, why are y’all getting so salty?’ is the gamer version of ‘We have to respect a Nazi’s right to believe what they want’. It doesn’t help anyone and in case, it’s just a game is correct but I come to enjoy myself on Overwatch, not slogging through the chore of bad game after bad game. I have a right to get angry if people aren’t pulling their weight, impacting on my enjoyment of how I choose to spend my free time.
  • Don’t belittle the other team by saying they won by carry (one player did all the work). They won, suck it up.
  • Don’t blame your healers

Anyway, that’s pretty much all I have to say, I guess I should put some cliché Overwatch rant trash at the end of this to drive up views so here goes ohmyfinggodsymmetraisobrokenandneedstobenerfedandwhiletheynerfhertheyshouldmakeTracercannonstraightbecauseitspoilsmyheadcanonalsothepayloadshouldmovefasterandIshouldnthavetopointmygunatpeoplebecauseaimingishard (Note: This is parody and does not reflect the viewpoint of the author). But yeah, I can hear Genji screaming for healing so I better go devote all my attention to ignoring that. Thanks for reading, what advice do you have to Overwatch players, are you also an angry healer? Let me know in the comments!

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